Diagnosing the Symptoms of an Ineffective Job Search Plan

There is no question: searching for a job can be a frustrating and discouraging affair. But a lack of available jobs and increased competition may not always be the cause of a failed job search. A lack of progress here may indicate a need to rethink your approach. In fact, there are several suggestive signs that your search methods may need a drastic overhaul.

Scenario 1 – You are snagging interviews by receiving no offers:

A lack of job offers after multiple interviews is often a telltale sign of ineffective or out-of-date interviewing techniques. Identifying your weaknesses in this regard is a necessary step in improving upon them. The best approach in determining problem areas is to practice interview questions with a friend or by participating in mock sessions at a career center or with a job coach.

Scenario 2 – You’re ambitions are out reach your experience:

While setting high goals is necessary in improving yourself planning your career, the goals must also remain realistic. Lacking the appropriate qualifications for the jobs to which you are applying can be a big time waster and demoralizer. Before applying for that dream job, build the experience necessary to perform the job at a high level.

Scenario 3 – You focus too much on job descriptions as opposed to companies:

Don’t simply search for jobs based on their function, but research companies to find the ones where you want to work. Finding those specific firms of particular interest creates the conditions for a more focused job search.

Scenario 4 – You are discouraged and hopeless:

While job searches are rarely enjoyable, finding yourself more depressed with each failed search is a primary indicator that your approach needs to change. A great way to increase your morale and gain energy and motivation is to volunteer at organizations related to your specialty. This not only increases your visibility but helps build skills that may lead to a job or even reveal interests that you never knew you had.

Scenario 5 – Your professional network is bearing little fruit:

Even if your contacts are currently contributing little to your job search, that doesn’t mean they can’t be useful. This symptom may simply be a sign to reassess your network to find those specific contacts that best match your industry and job preferences. This could include spending time pursuing contacts with industry experts and local insiders who may have information and access to knowledge conducive to your hunt.

Scenario 6 – You are prepared to accept any job offered to you:

While job searches can often lead to desperation, making this public knowledge only hurts your prospects. Focus on narrowing your job search criteria and seeking assistance from a career counselor or job coach with these requirements. The more specific you are about in regards to job and industry preferences, the better assistance can be offered in finding your job match.

Joshua Bjerke, from Savannah, Georgia, focuses on articles involving the labor force, economy, and HR topics including new technology and workplace news. Joshua has a B.A. in Political Science with a Minor in International Studies and is currently pursuing his M.A. in International Security.

How to Sell Yourself in the Workplace

Many people associate selling with pushy sales people who don’t listen to your objections and try to force you into parting with your money for a product or service that you don’t want. However, knowing how to sell yourself is a vital tool for effective career management. The process starts with your CV or resume, in addition to interviews, internal meetings and networking events.

Know thyself
When was the last time you sat down and reviewed your career accomplishments, and audited your strengths and weaknesses? Are you aware of the type of value you consistently bring to a team? Are you typically the person that puts structures and processes in place or the person who comes up with creative solutions to complex problems? Can you describe in specific detail how your contribution has made a distinct difference to the process and outcome of the projects that you have worked on in the past? Taking stock of how far you have come helps you begin to understand the value that you can bring to an organisation and positions you to better articulate that value.

Know the company
It pays to conduct a thorough research of the company you work for or are interviewing for. If you are interviewing for a new position, you can demonstrate your value by not only explaining the relevant experience that you have built up, but by taking it one step further and describing how that experience would be valuable for this potential new employer. If you are already working for the organisation, you can provide evidence of how your role has made a difference to the growth strategy of the organisation.

Use data to back up your assertions of value
If your role has led to decreased cost, increased revenue or saved time, then it is in your interest to record this data for use during key meetings with managers to build your case for promotion, increased responsibility or salary. Where this has been documented in detail, the facts speak for themselves and help build a strong case for your value without you having to sell yourself in qualitative terms.

Forward thinking and planning
Many assume that in order to sell yourself you need to look to the past in order to catalog your achievements. However, selling yourself includes recognizing your current weaknesses and how they might impact your future career goals. If you have constructed a clear plan to tackle these weaknesses, then this not only demonstrates maturity but also the ability to reflect and improve.

All work and no play
Many employees focus on their workplace skills and experience in order to sell themselves but sometimes your out of work activities can be what demonstrates that you are a “rounded” person. Perhaps you volunteer, that not only shows that you like to give back to your community but is a great way to develop leadership skills. Maybe you play a team sport? That is usually a good indicator of someone who may be able to work well in a team. Perhaps you have achieved a black belt in karate? That shows discipline and perseverance. Often non work activities can be a key factor in demonstrating your value to a potential or existing employer.

Written by Ada Offonry.  Ada Offonry has a degree in economics from the University of Warwick in England and started her career in investment banking before making the transition to executive recruitment. She has extensive experience of placing finance and technology executives in international locations across the United States, UK and Asia Pacific. She writes articles on careers, recruitment and future working practices.

Common IT Interview Mistakes

Here are a few common IT interview mistakes. A lot of things can go wrong for you in an interview–prepare in advance to avoid these common gaffes, and you’ll give it your best shot.

Don’t Talk Only in Techspeak
Discuss you knowledge and qualifications, but be prepared to talk about it with managerial or HR staff, who won’t necessarily share your expertise. Resist the urge to wow them with your jargon and techy name-dropping; they may well find it irritating and irrelevant.

You probably will have technical questions, but keep them to a minimum and make them specific and relevant to the position. It might not impress the interviewer for you to pry too much into the technology and systems in use at the company prematurely.

Don’t Make Snarky Comments about the Industry
Keep the industry sarcasm to yourself. Ideally, you’ll be hired for your tech philosophy, but keep in mind that hiring managers are looking for positive people who are easy to work with, and will be turned off by negativity.

Until you’re very well oriented in the company’s technological setup, be careful to avoid criticizing any particular system or practice. You may be able to improve things, but not until after you’re hired. Be honest if asked your opinion, but keep things light by phrasing suggestions as “That sounds like it’s working for you. Another option might be…”

Don’t Let Your Gadgets Do the Talking for You
It goes without saying that cell phones and PDAs need to be turned off–not on “vibrate.” However, it’s not enough to follow that rule to the letter. Put away any electronic devices; do not wear anything on your belt or in your ear. Wearing them visibly gives the impression that the interview isn’t important enough for you to abandon your communication devices even for an hour–and that you may lack interpersonal skills they’re looking for in an employee and team member.

Don’t Discuss Pay Too Early
Perhaps because many IT workers operate as freelancers or consultants, they sometimes tend to bring up money far too early in an interview for a traditional position. Questions about pay in the first interview are a bad idea. Aside from the obvious negotiation gaffe, bringing up the subject of money right off the bat makes a bad impression. Also, any follow-up questions may sound less important to you, which make you seem uninterested in the position and company.

So What Should You Do?
The mistakes listed here aren’t the only things that can go wrong, and who knows how qualified and personable your competitors are. Just remember that your skills and abilities speak for themselves and the way to impress hirers is to let make those traits clear.

Keep both your questions and answers brief and to the point. By maintaining your professionalism and focusing on the presenting yourself as an ideal candidate for the position, you’ll let your qualifications and experience shine through. Don’t worry too much about messing up–you know about several IT interview mistakes and how to avoid them.

Written by Marie Larsen. Marie is a writer for Recruiter.com covering career advice, recruitment topics, and HR issues. She has an educational background in languages and literature as well as corporate experience in Human Resources.

How to Stay Positive in a Negative Work Situation

You spend about a third of your life at work. If you're spending it with negative people, it can really affect you and bring you down. By stopping negative thoughts as they enter your ears and not letting them continue in your thoughts, you'll be doing a lot of the work to stay positive in a negative situation. Read on for some more ways to keep ugly situations at work from bogging you down.

Instructions

1 Have a life outside your job. Keep friends who have a good grasp of reality and with whom you can share life that's totally unrelated to the job you do. Refuse to even talk about your work outside work hours, especially if the environment is toxic.

2 Realize that most of what goes on at work and most of the negativity, even that directed at you, isn't about you. Consider the stress your coworkers are facing at work, at home and in their personal lives and understand that they're projecting and displacing their anger onto you and others around them as well.

 

3 Refuse to let your coworkers' workaholism, ambitions and selfish behaviors seep into your system. It's easy to start letting negative behavior creep in by agreeing with perspectives or taking sides. Instead, choose to rise above it all by remaining neutral.

4 Guard your thoughts; they eventually become your reality. Make sure the negativity around you doesn't keep playing in your head. Play music at your desk at a reasonable volume if you feel it helps center you. Take breaks to collect your thoughts. Keep positive reminders in quotes and pictures around your workspace.

5 Consider your options for finding other employment if the situation is unbearable. Some bosses can be emotionally abusive; if the company environment doesn't look likely to change, evaluate whether this is really the best place for you.

By an eHow.com Contributor

Does your job have you on emotional life support?

Considering the rocky state of the economy right now, you may count yourself lucky just to have a job, never mind giving a second thought to how happy you are there. However, don't be so quick to dismiss your feelings about your job; companies know that happier employees are more innovative and loyal. If your job meets your emotional needs, you're a much bigger asset to the company than you may have thought.

Mark Ingwer, business psychologist and author of "Empathetic Marketing," identifies five core emotional needs that every company and employee should know about in order to be more successful and motivated. Check your professional pulse with these five emotional needs, and find out if you're thriving in your work environment or if you belong on life support.

Belonging
A sense of belonging is indispensable if your company encourages innovation and creativity. Being comfortable around your co-workers and boss establishes an open environment that will be more receptive when you pitch new ideas. "Businesses that cater to and help us meet the need to belong will uncover previously unexplored opportunities," Ingwer says. Are your co-workers a little standoffish? Talk to your boss about ideas that can bring the group together. An office book chat or a community volunteering day can open up your co-workers and get people talking.

Control
Are you being handed more responsibilities and projects to head as time goes on? Being given more control is a clear sign of how your company measures your worth and is an easy way for you to gauge your place there. Asking for more responsibility or taking the lead on a project also shows how confident you are at your workplace. Ingwer notes, "We only spend energy on controlling outcomes proportional to our belief that we can succeed." If you've been avoiding your to-do list or have shied away from speaking up, now's the time to start taking more control of your career and of your place at your company.

Growth
How challenged do you feel at your job? Being able to grow in a job or company is a major factor in the evolution of your career. "It's important to note that we grow most fully when our enlightenment leads to competency, which is extraordinary knowledge in a given area or subject. In one's career, those who learn more about their niche will get ahead of those who do not," Ingwer says. Look for opportunities to expand your knowledge about your industry, and continue to challenge yourself. When you reach a point where every day seems like a repeat, see if there's a chance to move up. Make an appointment to speak with your manager about taking on more responsibilities, and ask if your position can grow to include more leadership possibilities or if there's a higher opening within the company for which you can be considered. If the conversation is a dead end, it may be time to consider looking for a more challenging position elsewhere.

Recognition
Are you getting the credit you deserve? Do your co-workers and boss know that you were the one who submitted that great idea? Ingwer notes, "Recognition is paramount any time the need to motivate groups, and individuals within groups, is central to accomplishing organizational goals." If others are looking to you as a leader and professional role model, your reputation is working in your favor for advancing your career. Still going unnoticed for your hard work? Start getting more involved both in public and private ways at work. Speak up more at group meetings, email others your ideas and ask for input, and stay on track with your projects to start getting noticed.

Self-expression
If you're fortunate enough to work in a field you care about, you're already experiencing positive self-expression. "For many people, the most satisfying vehicle for expression is often the work of one's career," Ingwer says. But if you're in a job you couldn't care less about, your need for self-expression may leave you wanting more. Look for ways to get your interests involved at work. Love messing around with computers? Ask for technology training. Passionate about sports and fitness? Start a company kickball team or organize a company entry in the next marathon. Your self-expression and initiative will make you a stronger figure in the company and get you noticed for the right reasons.

Susan Ricker is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, The Work Buzz. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues.

10 Things to Never Put on Your Resume

For job seekers, the resume may be the most important document they need. After all, what's on that simple piece of paper can mean the difference between landing an interview and landing in the circular file.

While most job seekers concentrate on what they should include on their resume, few pay attention to what they shouldn't include. This article explores 10 things you should never put on your resume.

A crazy objective

So you want to be the next Bill Gates. Terrific! And you may even have the chops to make it happen. But please don't put it in your objective statement. Outlandish, overconfident, or "out there" objective statements almost always ensure that the rest of your resume isn't read.

Read More ....

Measuring An Employee's Worth? Consider Influence

The performance review of the future will include services like Salesforce.com's Chatter and its Influencers feature, which measures how much weight you carry among your peers.

Today, your performance review is based on things like sales numbers or number of goals met. Tomorrow, though, it could be based on something that until now has remained ephemeral: organizational influence.

Salesforce.com's Chatter system released a new feature this spring called Influencer. It purports to measure how influential you are within your company, by tabulating, for example, how your fellow workers respond to the items you post to your corporate social network.

It's still a work in progress, senior director of Chatter product marketing Dave King tells Fast Company. But already companies are using it to help them run more smoothly.

King says he's heard from CIOs, for example, that, when they have a new system to roll out, they'll look up who the most influential people are in various departments and bring them in for a briefing ahead of time, in the hopes they'll be able to evangelize the system to their peers.

At Salesforce.com itself, CEO Marc Benioff has invited the company's top 20 influencers on Chatter to the retreat he hosts offsite for the company's top executives. "Some were 22- or 23-year-old engineers," King says, "and we put them on stage for a couple minutes each to talk about innovation and what we as a company should be doing."

Chatter, which was launched two years ago, is not the only company working on a metric for influence within organizations. Yammer and National Field, other enterprise social networking tools, are also taking a stab at the problem.

The most progressive organizations have always realized that the informal connections employees make with others and the amount of knowledge and expertise they share outside of prescribed work responsibilities contributes mightily to the bottom line. But until now, they haven't had an empirical way of measuring that activity.

Salesforce.com won't disclose exactly how the Influencer algorithm works. It's more than just tabulating number of posts, though. In fact, workers could actually be penalized for sheer volume, if colleagues don't consider their content useful. "We don't want people being noisy," Chatter general manager Kendall Collins tells Fast Company.

Instead, the algorithm looks at things like how many Likes a post gets or how often it's re-shared. "It surveys all the activities you're involved in and weighs them differently," King says.

He adds that managers wanting to evaluate worker influence will probably want to combine the machine-generated score with the output of an explicit recognition system, like Salesforce.com's newly acquired Rypple, which allows employees to give each other badges for great work.

When you add a system like Rypple, King says, "you get a complete picture--not only what's derived [from activity on the system] but also what's declared by peers and managers."
[Image: Top: Flickr user Snugg LePup]
E.B. Boyd is FastCompany.com's Silicon Valley reporter.
BY E.B. Boyd | 07-05-2012

Temporary Help Jobs Are in Demand, Contributing to Job Growth in June

By Abby Lombardi on July 12, 2012 in Hiring Demand Indicators.

In the latest jobs report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), the Temporary Help Services accounted for 25,000 jobs being added to the US economy during June. This represents about 31% of all job growth last month. We thought it might be interesting to see what kinds of temporary jobs are most commonly demanded in the US.

During June, we saw more than 132,000 jobs available online through temporary help services companies. Although the volume of jobs is still lower than pre-recession times, hiring demand has increased 12% compared to June of 2011 and 24% versus June 2010. The highest volume was seen back in September 2008, when more than 169,000 listings were posted online.

Hiring Demand in the Temporary Help Services Industry – 4 Year Hiring Trend

Source: WANTED Analytics

Many of the occupational fields with high volumes of job ads match the general demand we've been seeing across the US. For example, we see that office and support, healthcare, technical, and engineering are among the fields with the highest demand by temporary services companies. Interestingly, we also see that production occupations, such as Machinists, are in high-demand by temporary services or the companies they are recruiting for. The number of ads for within production has increased 31% compared to June 2011. The individual job titles that are most commonly advertised online include:

1. Physical Therapist
2. Occupational Therapist
3. Administrative Assistant
4. Customer Service Representative
5. Registered Nurse
6. Registered Nurse LPN/Licensed Practical Nurse
7. Receptionist
8. Accountant
9. Machine Operator
10. Certified Occupational Therapy Assistant (COTA)

Are you surprised that any of these jobs would be in high demand by temporary help services companies?

Below are the 10 metropolitan areas that had the most job ads posted by temporary help services companies. New York had the highest volume, with Los Angeles coming in a close second. Of the below 10 cities, Recruiters in Seattle increased their demand the most, up 45% compared to June of 2011.

Cities with the Most Job Ads by Temporary Help Services Companies

Source: WANTED Analytics

Are you hiring for temporary positions? Find hiring trends for temp jobs in your city and see if they'll be hard-to-fill positions with a free trial of WANTED Analytics!

What Employers Want from the Long-Term Unemployed

Even though this was posted a few months ago, the content is still very relevant with to our  
unemployment rates for July.  Enjoy .....

We often hear from job seekers: "If I have the necessary skills and experience, why am I not hearing back from more companies?"

It's a fair question, especially for the more than five million workers who've been unemployed for six months or longer (more than 40 percent of all unemployed job seekers). Struggling to get a foot in the door doesn't mean this group is unqualified or lacks what it takes to do the job. With hundreds of applications submitted for a single open position, it's indicative of a fiercely competitive labor market.

So how does someone who's among the long-term unemployed stand out? Will employers even look past their employment gap — the time that's elapsed since their last day on the job?

New research from CareerBuilder found that 85 percent of hiring managers and human resource managers are more understanding of employment gaps now than they were pre-recession. While that's refreshing news, it comes with an important caveat: This group still needs to go another step to draw attention to their resumes.

Companies are still looking carefully at how unemployed job seekers have spent their time. There's a notion is that if you've been out of work for an extended period of time, you begin to lose an edge on previously acquired skills. Whether or not you buy into the concept of skills erosion, it's safe to assume that hiring managers are more likely to look past employment gaps for applicants who've stayed active in the interim. So what do hiring managers recommend?

In the same survey, 61 percent said taking a class or going back to school is a great start. This can be as simple as taking a certification course (e.g., IT workers), attending professional seminars, or enrolling in community college courses. If the subject matter expands your skill set or can be applied in the next job, that's information that should be featured prominently on your resume or in your cover letter.

Sixty percent of hiring managers said volunteering increases the candidate's marketability. Volunteerism is a testament to a person's character and work ethic. However, many job seekers are not doing the best job of promoting that experience on their resumes and cover letters. It can't be an isolated bullet point buried on the page. Job seekers should choose volunteer work that can be woven organically into their existing professional narratives — and then be ready to sell it no differently than the rest of their work history. Ask yourself: What skills did I learn or hone? Can I quantify my impact or speak to how my efforts contributed to the organizations' successes?

Seventy-nine percent said taking a temporary or contract assignment is advisable. Temp or contract work is not just for entry-level workers and young professionals. Opportunities are available across job types, experience levels, and salary ranges. If becoming a permanent freelancer isn't in your plans, note that about one in four employers plan to transition some temporary workers into full-time, permanent employees in quarter two of 2012.

Fewer employers felt that the ambitious task of starting your own business (28 percent) or writing a professional blog (11 percent) were good ways to improve your marketability, but if those activities showcase your potential value, they certainly can't hurt.

Say a job seeker has done all this and still isn't faring any better? There are two job search tactics that are vastly underutilized, according to our research and conversations with employers: follow-through and presenting customized ideas to your prospective employer.

Two-thirds of workers don't follow up with the employer after submitting their resume for consideration. If the hiring manager provides contact information, sending an email a week or two after submission can prompt a closer look (or maybe even a second look) at your resume. And when the interview opportunity arrives, it's best not to focus solely on the past. Employers want candidates who have researched their company rigorously, and have prepared concrete ideas for what they'll bring to the role.

A competitive labor market requires a dynamic job search. Regardless of how unemployed job seekers spend their time, the common denominator is to continue your professional development and show potential employers how you can help them.
This post is part of the special series The New Rules for Getting a Job.

More blog posts by Brent Rasmussen

How long before we should convert temp staff to employee status?

Q. Is there a law (or advisable benchmark) regarding how long we can hire temporary staff before they must be either hired on a permanent basis or released?

A. There is no time frame that is set in stone. The risk of keeping a temporary worker on for an extended period of time arises if you classify the worker as an independent contractor. In that circumstance, you want to make sure that the worker is truly an independent contractor rather than an employee, which depends on a variety of factors.

If the individual performs services for you over a long period of time (rather than for a discrete project), that may be one factor suggesting that the worker is more like an employee than an independent contractor.

Business Management Daily

7 Rules of Now

— Adapted from Business at the Speed of Now, John M. Bernard, Wiley.

Some rules of leadership are timeless, but some simply don’t cut it anymore.
Here are the 7 Rules of Now:

1. Listen closely to your customers and employees.
2. Keep the organization’s goals uppermost in your mind.
3. Measure performance—your own, your team’s and that of others.
4. Make data-driven decisions.
5. Don’t hide the truth. Hidden problems fester.
6. Figure out how to say yes.
7. Fear nothing.

Six Keys to Being Excellent at Anything

I've been playing tennis for nearly five decades. I love the game and I hit the ball well, but I'm far from the player I wish I were.

I've been thinking about this a lot the past couple of weeks, because I've taken the opportunity, for the first time in many years, to play tennis nearly every day. My game has gotten progressively stronger. I've had a number of rapturous moments during which I've played like the player I long to be.
And almost certainly could be, even though I'm 58 years old. Until recently, I never believed that was possible. For most of my adult life, I've accepted the incredibly durable myth that some people are born with special talents and gifts, and that the potential to truly excel in any given pursuit is largely determined by our genetic inheritance.

During the past year, I've read no fewer than five books — and a raft of scientific research — which powerfully challenge that assumption (see below for a list). I've also written one, The Way We're Working Isn't Working, which lays out a guide, grounded in the science of high performance, to systematically building your capacity physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

We've found, in our work with executives at dozens of organizations, that it's possible to build any given skill or capacity in the same systematic way we do a muscle: push past your comfort zone, and then rest. Aristotle Will Durant*, commenting on Aristotle, pointed out that the philosopher had it exactly right 2000 years ago: "We are what we repeatedly do." By relying on highly specific practices, we've seen our clients dramatically improve skills ranging from empathy, to focus, to creativity, to summoning positive emotions, to deeply relaxing.

Like everyone who studies performance, I'm indebted to the extraordinary Anders Ericsson, arguably the world's leading researcher into high performance. For more than two decades, Ericsson has been making the case that it's not inherited talent which determines how good we become at something, but rather how hard we're willing to work — something he calls "deliberate practice." Numerous researchers now agree that 10,000 hours of such practice is the minimum necessary to achieve expertise in any complex domain.
 
That notion is wonderfully empowering. It suggests we have remarkable capacity to influence our own outcomes. But that's also daunting. One of Ericsson's central findings is that practice is not only the most important ingredient in achieving excellence, but also the most difficult and the least intrinsically enjoyable.

If you want to be really good at something, it's going to involve relentlessly pushing past your comfort zone, as well as frustration, struggle, setbacks and failures. That's true as long as you want to continue to improve, or even maintain a high level of excellence. The reward is that being really good at something you've earned through your own hard work can be immensely satisfying.
Here, then, are the six keys to achieving excellence we've found are most effective for our clients:

1. Pursue what you love. Passion is an incredible motivator. It fuels focus, resilience, and perseverance.
2. Do the hardest work first. We all move instinctively toward pleasure and away from pain. Most great performers, Ericsson and others have found, delay gratification and take on the difficult work of practice in the mornings, before they do anything else. That's when most of us have the most energy and the fewest distractions.
3. Practice intensely, without interruption for short periods of no longer than 90 minutes and then take a break. Ninety minutes appears to be the maximum amount of time that we can bring the highest level of focus to any given activity. The evidence is equally strong that great performers practice no more than 4 ½ hours a day.
4. Seek expert feedback, in intermittent doses. The simpler and more precise the feedback, the more equipped you are to make adjustments. Too much feedback, too continuously can create cognitive overload, increase anxiety, and interfere with learning.
5. Take regular renewal breaks. Relaxing after intense effort not only provides an opportunity to rejuvenate, but also to metabolize and embed learning. It's also during rest that the right hemisphere becomes more dominant, which can lead to creative breakthroughs.
6. Ritualize practice. Will and discipline are wildly overrated. As the researcher Roy Baumeister has found, none of us have very much of it. The best way to insure you'll take on difficult tasks is to build rituals — specific, inviolable times at which you do them, so that over time you do them without having to squander energy thinking about them.

I have practiced tennis deliberately over the years, but never for the several hours a day required to achieve a truly high level of excellence. What's changed is that I don't berate myself any longer for falling short. I know exactly what it would take to get to that level.

I've got too many other higher priorities to give tennis that attention right now. But I find it incredibly exciting to know that I'm still capable of getting far better at tennis — or at anything else — and so are you.

by Tony Schwartz

If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

"A 'no' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble." So said Mahatma Gandhi, and we all know how his conviction played out on the world stage. But what is less well known is how this same discipline played out privately with his own grandson, Arun Gandhi.

Arun grew up in South Africa. When he was a young boy, he was beaten up twice: once for being too white and once for being too black. Still angry, Arun was sent to spend time with his grandfather. In an interview with Arun, he told me that his grandfather was in demand from many important people, yet he still prioritized his grandson, spending two hours a day for 18 months just listening to Arun. It proved to be a turning point in Arun's life.

I had the opportunity to apply Gandhi's example of prioritization to my own life, hours before one of my daughters was born. I felt pressure to go to a client meeting the next day. But on this occasion, I knew what to do. It was clearly a time to be there for my wife and child. So, when asked to attend the meeting, I said with all the conviction I could muster... "Yes."

To my shame, while my wife lay in the hospital with my hours-old baby, I went to the meeting. Afterward, my colleague said, "The client will respect you for making the decision to be here." But the look on the clients' faces mirrored how I felt. What was I doing there?! I had not lived true to Gandhi's saying. I had said "yes" to please.

As it turned out, exactly nothing came of the client meeting. And even if the client had respected my choice, and key business opportunities had resulted, I would still have struck a fool's bargain. My wife supported me and trusted me to make the right choice under the circumstances, and I had opted to deprioritize her and my child.

Why did I do it? I have two confessions:
First, I allowed social awkwardness to trump making the right decision. I wasn't forced to attend the meeting. Instead, I was so anxious to please that even awkward silent pauses on the phone were too much for me. In order to stop the social pain, I said "yes" when I knew the answer should be "no."

Second, I believed that "I had to make this work." Logically, I knew I had a choice, but emotionally, I felt that I had no choice. That one corrupted assumption psychologically removed many of the actual choices available to me.

What can you do to avoid the mistake of saying "yes" when you know the answer should be "no"?

First, separate the decision from the relationship. Sometimes these seem so interconnected, we forget there are two different questions we need to answer. By deliberately dividing these questions, we can make a more conscious choice. Answer the question, "What is the right decision?" and then "How can I communicate this as kindly as possible?"

Second, watch your language. Every time we say, "I have to take this call" or "I have to send this piece of work off" or "I have to go to this client meeting," we are assuming that previous commitments are nonnegotiable. Every time you use the phrase "I have to" over the next week, stop and replace it with "I choose to." It can feel a little odd at first — and in some cases it can even be gut-wrenching (if we are choosing the wrong priority). But ultimately, using this language reminds us that we are making choices, which enables us to make a different choice.

Third, avoid working for or with people who don't respect your priorities. It may sound simplistic, but this is a truly liberating rule! There are people who share your values and as a result make it natural to live your priorities. It may take a while to find an employment situation like this, but you can set your course to that destination immediately.

Saying "yes" when we should be saying "no" can seem like a small thing in the moment. But over time, such compromises can create a life of regrets. Indeed, an Australian nurse named Bronnie Ware, who cared for people in the last 12 weeks of their lives, recorded the most often-discussed regrets. At the top of the list: "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." Next on the list: "I wish I hadn't worked so hard" and "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings." (Read the Top 5 Regrets here).

We may not develop Gandhian levels of courage immediately, but surely we can do better than having to look back on our lives and regret that we lived by someone else's priorities.

More blog posts by Greg McKeown